fitness in the works

I'm writing this for my records really and so I can look back and remember my feelings and struggles to help me get through the tough times while trying to achieve my goals. Sorry it's a little long, you don't have to read if you don't want to.

I have been struggling with my weight for a good while now...a while being like 3 or so years. I guess since I started having kids, but this goes even before the kids. I blame the birth control. Ever since I started taking that pill I gained like 25 pounds or so and haven't really been able to get it off. Doctors and nurses will say that it doesn't directly effect your weight but I disagree, it messes with your metabolism and hormones and that in turn effects your weight and whole body outlook. I'm determined to get my metabolism back to normal or a somewhat normal state.

During 2009 I started exercising after I had Brooklyn, I really wanted to get into shape so I went to the gym a few times a week and ran on the tredmill and also joined a boot camp. I lost like 15 pounds which was huge. I felt great and my clothes were fitting me comfortably. I then learned I was pregnant again with Peyton, I was thrilled of course and kept on working out to keep my body in good shape. I was able to work out until I was about 7 months along and then it just became to painful to do much so I gave it a break. When Peyton was 8 weeks old, which was in Sep/Oct of 2010 I started running again and was able to run 2 miles, 3 days in a row with no problem. I tried to make sure that I drank enough water and ate enough to keep up with my working body so I could supply Peyton with enough milk, but after the 3rd day of running I didn't have enough after all to feed the poor little man. I got really freaked out and stopped working out which was wasn't the best solution for myself but it was the best thing for Peyton. I had a little bit of a hard time getting my milk back. But I ate lots of oatmeal, anything with yeast, and drank rootbeer and Peyton seemed to be just fine with what I had to offer. Because I stopped working out and have always heard to eat 500 extra calories a day to help feed the babe, I gained all the weight back from the year before. I'm pretty sure it was because I was so paranoid so I over ate. I was doing it all wrong. I was ok with it at the time though because it was the best thing for Peyton, So I thought. I later learned that as long as I ate good meals 6 times a day then my body will adjust and should make all it needs for my baby. But everyone's body is different.

In January I signed up for a boot camp that turned out to be totally awesome, I didn't really see any results but it helped to watch what I ate. I ate good and healthy meals but I had a hard time keeping the sugar out of my diet and still do. I don't think I over do it but it's just enough to keep me from reaching my goal. I've got to get some will power. after the boot camp was over I started a awesome work out at Icon. It has given me the most results so far. I lost 12 inches off my waist and keep losing inches just not much weight, I am really not to concerned about the weight anymore just the inches and how I feel and look. The only problem with me and the workout is it is at 6:30am and I have had a hard time getting up early because I stay up to late for school or because i want to spend more time with Clarke. I'm supposed to go 3 times a week and I usually only go once or twice but in the last 3 weeks I haven't gone at all. Clarke was gone for the week for scout camp and to Vernal for work so that means no early morning work outs. I also started watching my friends little girl who is 8, she gets to my house at 3:45am so I wake up to make sure she gets in ok and then I go back to sleep but I have no desire to get back up at 6am so I just sleep in and try to go running at night.
Lately I have not been trying to hard so it's my own fault. If I want results then I have to put the work into it and work really hard. This last week on Wed. I got sick and it kind of stuck with me everyday since. My stomach and appetite just hasn't been the same. I'm not sure if I still have a bug or what. I took a pregnancy test so I know I'm not pregnant. I just hope it goes away. I have made a new goal and am going to be strict with myself with the help from Clarke, ICON, and my new friend Kayla. I am determined to lose weight and feel good about myself again. I hate my arms, bum, thighs, stomach, shoulders, chest, chin, and face. the only thing I like about my body right now is my calves, feet and hands. I hate pictures of me too. I'm not depressed about it or anything, I try not to let it get me down because only I can change it and I know what I need to do to change it. Those are just some things that I really am not happy with right now. Someday I hope to be happy with how I look again and I know it will happen!!