Sunday, January 31, 2010

A new Year and A 1st Birthday

I have been incredibly busy and therefore have had no extra time to blog and in fact I should be doing a homework assignment instead of blogging but I am super behind and wanted to get this in before the day set Feb. Which is tomorrow. ha!
This last year was one of the BEST and hardest years of my entire life. We opened the year to birthing the most beautiful little person in the world. Well I birthed Brooklyn. Clarke was there ha ha! When we were in the hospital I couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed. I thought that I would have this amazing experience where I would just fall right in love with her and that she would feel the same. However I was so exhausted from labor that I could barely keep my eyes open let alone have any sense of what was going on. DOn't get me wrong I loved her more than anything I just couldn't express it for some reason. It was really REALLY REALLY hard to be a good mom, the mom she needed, I didn't know what I was doing, I felt lazy in a way even though when she needed me I was always there. I mostly felt, when I would look at her she would look back at me and think, mom you are crazy and I just don't really like you much. I have no idea why I felt this way, well I guess there are a couple reasons why I was feeling this way but I just didn't feel like I was going to be a good mom. Brooklyn has taught me the meaning of absolute hard work and sacrifice. I have never been more happy to have such a beautiful little girl in my life everyday. She is the best thing that I have ever done. That's what I said when she came out too. to be continued


Adams Clan said...

Hey, Just checking out your blog. It looks very update to me. Cuuute family!!