up's and down's and all around's....

This post is really long....it's really for my personal journaling purpose. So you don't have to read if you don't want to...

My thoughts have been scattered all over this beautiful Sunday day. I woke up from a strange dream (I can't remember what it was, just that is was strange)and it made me feel different and weird, got ready for church and got the kids ready as well and headed out the door to get to sacrament on time for once ha ha, yes we are late for sacrament a lot.. I HATE it!!!
During the last talk the bishop got up and took over, I thought he was going to tell us that the gentlemen speaking had some things wrong and was going to correct him, I was a little nervous for the guy because if I were him I would be have been worried and embarrassed that I did something, or said something wrong. This was not the case, thankfully, poor guy.

Bishop Sansibury instead said that Country manor (a small neighborhood in our ward) was flooding really bad and there were problems. He dismissed us from church early in hopes that with everyone's help they would be able to get the flooding under control. Clarke was able to run over there to help sand bag and help evacuate family's out of their homes, as it was mandatory from the city officials. Clarke has been over there since about 10am and it is now 4pm and he just got home. He said there is still a lot to do and he felt bad for leaving but he needed to come home and pack and take a break.. They got most of the water pumped out of the streets and yards. Thankfully no one was hurt but I'm not sure about some people's homes. There was water damage but I don't know how much!!
Here is a picture of what it was like over in Country manor!!! That is Clarke's truck...


Man do I miss my husband. He has been gone a lot lately. Doing side jobs, sand bagging, helping neighbors and working. His hard work sure is appreciated by so many I'm sure. He is such a hard worker and I am proud of him and lucky to have his as my husband. I told him that he better not make any plans next weekend because we all are going somewhere just us family and spending the whole weekend together.

This morning when I got home and Clarke left I got on my phone and checked out facebook and saw that there was a post from my dear dear sweet, I would even say one of my best friends.

Let me explain a little about her before I tell you what the post said. I hope she will be Ok with it... (I'll delete it if you want me to) She has been trying to get pregnant for a long while now, like a couple of years. She has a sweet little boy named Kade who is 3, he is such a sweet and funny kid, I love reading all the funny things he says and does. She got pregnant just after I had Peyton back in August. When she told me to read her blog and watch the little movie (about how she was pregnant) she sent out I couldn't help myself and just cried in pure excitement and JOY for her and for her family.. Her and her family were thrilled to add another family member to their family. She said she was due on May 15, 2011. For Christmas they had the ultrasound lady wrap up the sex of the baby so on Christmas morning they could open it up and find out what they were having, (it was a super cute idea). They learned they would be having a baby girl. Yay!! Ever since I have known Heather she has talked about how much she has wanted a little girl someday so she could name her Hadlee, the name Hadlee is signifagant because it means "fields of Heather". My friends name just so happens to be Heather. So I was thrilled for her. As she prepared for her new little baby girl to arrive, she sowed up a cute little purple crib skirt and blanket and made the nursery as sweet and cute as ever. I haven't seen it fully done but what I did see was so nice. She is talented, I don't care what she says..haha!! Heather had a few baby showers and I was grateful I could attend one of them and see all the fun things she got from people. There were so many cute clothes and gifts, people were so generous. I was really so excited for her to dress her sweet baby girl up in these beautiful things and have her own beautiful daughter. Heather is a beautiful lady and she cute Pregnant. Heather texted me on May 2 at 10:39 am and told me that Hadlee was on her way and they were at the hospital waiting for her arrival. She told me she was hardly effaced, so I figured that it may be awhile. I hadn't heard anything from her again... I texted her hours later to see what was going on, if she was ok, or if she had the baby yet, but no response. I thought either she was just so tired and needed rest because family was there or something had gone wrong. I checked facebook and saw that Dustin, her husband, had updated his status and said that the baby was born with a cleft palette but she seemed fine. Then a little while later she was in the NICU she would stay there until they took her home on May 13th. They learned more things about their sweet Hadlee. She was born with Trisomy 13. Her body organs were in perfect condition but her brain couldn't tell her body what to do so she had a feeding tube and 24/7 care. They learned that it was a miracle that she was still with them and she probably didn't have much longer to live. That was really hard to swallow for everyone, esp them... their sweet little baby girl.

So again back to this morning at around 10:30am when I checked my facebook account this is what it said: "Our sweet little Hadlee took her last little breath at 3:48 this morning. She will be forever missed and we will remember her everyday. We know she was a special spirit sent to us to bless our lives and the lives of those around us. Thank you all for the support you've given us during these past couple weeks."
At this point I lost it and just sobbed and mourned with Heather.. I couldn't control myself and cried hysterically. It's so incredibly hard to watch someone who you love and care about so much go through something so terrifically difficult. I believe with all my heart that the lord was with Heather, Hadlee and their family 100%. There is no other way to get through something so difficult. I am still crying and trying to hold it together.. I just feel the pain she has to bear and the love she must be feeling for that sweet little Hadlee, who will be forever missed. I have no idea what she is going through but I can imagine what it must be like and I feel so bad and sad for this trial in her life.

Me and my friend Nicole were able to go visit her just this past Wednesday and I'm so glad we were able to sit down with her mom and Heather and talk to her about everything and try to comfort her.

I'm glad that she has shared so much with me and everyone it has really been a true testament of truth to me of what a family means and what it's all about and how special each moment is with your kids and any family member. Being a parent has really opened my eyes to what I need to do better and what to not take for granted. Our babies are such precious little spirits sent from heaven and we are in charge of them while they are here on earth and what I HUGE blessing that really is. There is no greater calling then to be a mother. It also has really made me think a lot about the gospel and what it really means to be a part of it and about what faith is and putting your trust in the lord.

While being around Heather you can feel that beautiful spirit that Hadlee brings, I have a whole new respect for her. I thought she was so great before but she is even greater now and so AMAZING. I admire her strength and courage to move forward with trust in the lord and faith and the knowledge that she will be with her Hadlee again and that Heavenly Father had a plan for her family. Heather you have strengthened me and same with Hadlee. I could feel her sweet spirit when I read about her, or when I was around you, Heather. You will be able to take that with you forever and touch every life you meet. I am so very proud to be your friend... I feel so very lucky, You have always been such a great friend to me and I will always be grateful for that. I love you!!!! You and your awesome family will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Love You so much!!!!!